A while back I gave a little background on how I started using the proctologist gimmick (Birth of the Doctor). I said that it started out as just a one-time thing, but then I ended up doing it for the rest of my time as an active wrestler. Well, that’s sort of true. The exception I can think of is one time at a county fair out near Litchfield, MN (I think).
The promoter was the “Iron Duke” Jim Mitchell. He had come down to the Sharkey/Fox wrestling camp a week or so earlier to scout out some talent for some of his upcoming bookings. I believe I wrestled Mitch Paradise in a match in camp while Mitchell was there, but that wasn’t who I ended up booked against.
At the event, the ring was set up in the grandstand of the fair. High fences around it prevented people from seeing in without paying. I don’t know what the charge was, but it was something above whatever it cost to get into the general fairgrounds. There was a decent crowd, and many of them were kids.
There were a few motor homes set up for us to use. One of them was a place for the boys to change, and the other was the “front office”, where the promoter could do his business, and maybe feel a little more like Vinnie Mac.
Mitchell was in the RV, and would send for the workers one at a time to talk to them. I think we might have gotten our payoff then also. It was at a fair, so it was a guaranteed show. That meant there was a guarantee of how much money he would get from the fair’s event coordinator. It didn’t matter if two or two hundred people showed up, the pay was the same. The more people the more likely you’ll be able to come back, of course.
“I’m putting you against Judge Jesse. You’re on third“, Mitchell said.
Judge Jesse was from Wisconsin. I had heard of him, but hadn’t met him or seen him wrestle. I was pretty sure he was a cruiserweight, so the gears started turning. Mitchell was probably still talking, but I was already tuning it out while thinking about the upcoming match.
Let’s see… if he’s a cruiserweight, then he’s probably smaller than me. That means I should be able to do some different suplexes tonight since I’ll be able to power him up without killing myself. And I’ve got a few counters in mind that maybe he can pull off…
“…Oh, and you can’t do the doctor thing tonight“, Mitchell said.
I snapped back into consciousness.
“What?..“, I said.
“You can’t do the procto thing“, Mitchell said.
“Why am I just hearing this now? Why not?“, I said.
“This is a family show“, Mitchell said.
“But I don’t actually do it”, I said, “I just take the glove out and go toward the guy. The crowd fills in the rest in their heads.”
“I don’t care. There are kids here“, Mitchell said.
“The kids won’t know what I’m doing unless they already know what I’m doing“, I said.
Yes, the old debate about what is and is not appropriate for children. My argument was that if it’s over their heads, then it’s okay. I haven’t taught them anything new because they don’t understand what just happened. They only way they would get it is if they already knew it, and again I’m not teaching them anything new. The counter argument is usually that if they don’t know it they will end up going to ask their parents about it, who will then be in the uncomfortable position to explain what happens when Daddy goes to the doctor’s office.
“You’re not doing it. That’s final“, Mitchell said.
Knowing that I was on the losing side, I gave in.
“What about the rest of my gimmick? I don’t really have anything else with me.“, I said.
“Tonight you’re a dentist. If you want to pull out a glove and stick your fingers down Jesse’s throat, that’s alright with me“, Mitchell said.
“A dentist?“, I said.
“A dentist“, Mitchell said.
We went out and started the match, with me as the face. Toward the end of the match I put on the glove, got Jesse in the corner, climbed to the second rope, and stuck two fingers into his mouth. A few seconds later the ref came over and started giving me a five count to break the “hold”.
I don’t remember if it was before or after Mick Foley started doing the “Mandible Claw” in the WWE, but people didn’t seem to know how to react. They probably never announced me as a destist on the way to the ring. You see a guy in hospital scrubs and you figure he’s a doctor. Or maybe a male nurse?
A special mention should go to Jesse, who had to have a glove that had been used in probably half a dozen matches (and stuffed down the front of my tights) shoved into his mouth for the better part of ten seconds.
When the match was over, one of the kids in the crowd asked me why I stuck my fingers down his throat. I think I ended up saying something like, “I was grabbing for his tonsils“, but I really wanted to say, “I don’t know kid. It didn’t make sense to me either.”
Gee, I hope the kid didn’t go home and ask his folks about it.